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| # | Title | Length |
|---|---|---|
| CD 1 | ||
| 1 | McGregor Is a Fookin Coont, M8 | 1:34 |
| 2 | The Big Baller Brand Makes Me Want to Gouge My Eyes Out | 0:59 |
| 3 | Odell Beckham Jr. Had a Nice Catch Once | 0:53 |
| 4 | ESPN’s Ridiculous Lack of MLB Coverage | 0:53 |
| 5 | Maria Sharapova Can Thwap My Tennis Balls Around Any Day | 1:15 |
| 6 | The 2008 Detroit Lions | 1:13 |
| 7 | Soccer Is OK, I Guess | 1:21 |
| 8 | Tim Tebow Had Celibacy for Breakfast This Morning | 1:27 |
| 9 | Joey Chestnut Is an American Hero | 1:04 |
| 10 | Nose Picking Will Be an Olympic Sport in Ten Years | 1:31 |
| 11 | Welcome (intro) | - |
| 12 | The Guide to Suicide | - |
| 13 | Crushing Helm | - |
| 14 | Water Boys | - |
| 15 | Bother | - |
| 16 | Let It Slide | - |
| 17 | Suppression | - |
| 18 | The Grape Conspiracy | - |
| 19 | Fallen Onto Bricks | - |
| 20 | All the Things Never Said | - |
| 21 | Mom I Wish I Was Dead | - |
| 22 | Portrait of Uncle Rick | - |
| 23 | Return to Despair | - |
| 24 | The Knife of Never Letting Go | - |
| 25 | Its Too Dark! | - |
| 26 | Regret | - |
| 27 | Finishing Off Weak | - |